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I used to think, more like encourage myself, that I’ll find that one person who will complete my ever incorrect equation of being eternally happy. That I’ll find that ‘X‘ in the equation, that unknown factor that would make everything okay. Like the professor in the popular cartoon, ‘Powerpuff girls’, I would find my Chemical X that would suddenly transform my life.

Over the years or more accurately, for several seconds on the days where I have time to think about it, my Chemical X has changed from getting a spot at an elective program, to passing my finals, to having my die-hard crush just notice me for one second, or maybe two, to losing a few pounds, to earning  a living, moving out, living alone, not living alone, using more makeup, using less makeup, having flawless skin, reading my Bible more, praying more, eating less, eating more and the list goes on in a vicious cycle.

The truth is, I still think this way on those days when I can’t sleep because I’ve been stalking ‘happy looking strangers’ on Instagram, or when I’m too tired to catch myself before I drown in my old familiar thought pattern.

Just for a moment, imagine there is no Chemical X, no magic ingredient, no unknown factor, what if today, right now, no matter how shitty or wonderful right now is, is your happy moment. What if this is all there is to life. Great days and shitty days so intricately mixed together that you can hardly tell the difference?

Then what? Then nothing. You make the most of those epic moments, and I don’t mean spending the greater part of your life taking selfies to post on social media, I mean actually enjoying the great days ’cause you know the ‘off days’ will come and maybe that’s okay because they’ll pass just as they came.

Maybe, just maybe, instead of viewing happiness or the good times, or whatever you want to call it as a streak that could be found and lost, we should view it as the Sun. We make the best of our sunny bright days and during the ‘night’ we don’t sulk because we know the sun will rise and it will set, but alas it will rise again.

 

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Moyosore Laditan is a medical doctor and loves writing to show people it’s a small world and that they’re not alone in their experiences.

In her words, “if by the smallest chance my writings make someone moyoelse laugh, cry or bring out a reaction (hopefully positive) then I will sleep better, knowing I have made a difference in another’s life.” She blogs on Tumblr via moladitan.

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