This feels extremely awkward, but I am very happy to do it. I am actually writing you a letter in 2014 and sending via regular mail. How romantic! Well, I’m sure you can very clearly recall me promising to write you a note, old-school style, and said only a special message would require such a special medium. So this is it. This is me fulfilling my promise, my hands are clammy and nervous, my heart pacing; this message is indeed special, a special kind of special.
Let me take you down memory lane. I can clearly remember the first day we met. I can give details of the day, date, time and venue, but let me not scare you. You looked too good to be true and spoke so intelligently and eloquently, I was immediately drawn not just to your obvious beauty but to your gorgeous personality. I was to speak shortly after you and I noticed the sparkle in your eyes all through my session. (I must confess that it was a tad difficult concentrating, but I’m glad I delivered an equally excellent speech) We casually exchanged contacts, and the rest as they say, is history. I must say you have been a great friend, confidant, etc. I am however troubled we have become a bit too close for comfort.
I could bet that our basis for connection was extremely intellectual, but look what has happened over the past few months. You were just coming out of a relationship, I was just getting into one. Maybe, just maybe, if I had met you earlier, our worlds would have been perfect, but these things are beyond us, aren’t they? Funny thing is my fiancée likes you a lot, considers you totally harmless and I was so sure you were. I must accept responsibility for how events have turned and accept that you have become emotionally harmful to me as much as I have become to you. I remember our first time together. After brainstorming on your business ideas for the third quarter, we got carried away and exchanged brief kisses and laughed it off. If only we had paid attention to those early warning signs.
Without mincing words, I know that what you now have for me is love, and what I feel for you same, however, we have to ensure that this love isn’t detrimental love. I genuinely appreciate your friendship, but truth is we stopped being friends and started becoming lovers. This is a very confusing state to be in. Our kisses have grown over the months to passionate display of physical affection and as much as I have enjoyed every bit of it, for the values we claim to represent, we must bring this to an end.
I remember clearly our conversation on the evening of your birthday two years ago. You said I was the husband you never had. I added that I was the husband you may never have. Do you remember your response? You said “may” is a good word, and we laughed over it. “May” has been our problem over the years, we must accept the reality that there is no more probability in this, we are never going to be. We would have wonderful families and our kids best of friends but the idea of “us”? Never going to be.
Please don’t get me wrong. You are an awesome person, perhaps one of the most phenomenal ladies I ever met in my life, and trust me, I’ve met a whole lot! I have no reservations as to your self esteem, you are a strong confident woman. There is nothing wrong with you, and there is nothing wrong with me. Over the months I have done a lot of introspection, and for the kind of family I desire to have, it is important that I sever all strings that have the potential to entangle my family dynamics and that of your eventual family too.
I’m sure you rolled your eyes when I said “fiancée” earlier. Yes, fiancé. I finally met her parents, and she met mine. I think her dad really likes me, I mean, he offered me Kola, I hear that’s a good omen in Ibo land. Her brothers also just appeared to flow with me, I felt great! I mean, they are about to give out their only sister. And the reception on my side too was great. My Dad is particularly fond of her, in fact they talk very often nowadays, I’m a bit bothered! Just kidding. We now have dates for the introduction and engagement, as scary as it sounds I’m getting married!
So how is this guy you told me about? I can’t recall his name now. The PR guy your firm bid for a project with his? From what you say, I think he is a great guy and I sincerely wish you both the best :p I’m sure you’ll be coming for my church’s carol service. It’s on the 16th, maybe you should invite him too, it will be fun, I can promise that.
So what exactly would change? Is this us breaking up? As much as technically there was no formal relationship , yes, this is us breaking up. I have read your body language in recent times too, I am sure this is your position on what we have become, I have only beat you to it by bringing it up first. I know you are mature enough to have this discussion face to face but your recent frequent trips mean seeing you anytime soon would be more difficult by the day. So that’s it.
I really don’t know how to end this but if you want us to discuss it, you can come over to my place over the weekend if you are in town. You know I’m joking right?
Ladies and gentlemen, and that is my first attempt at fiction 😀
Disclaimer: The story and characters portrayed above are all fictitious. Any coincidences with any real life persons or events are absolute coincidences and are not the intention of the author.
Dayo is a medical doctor by training, a piano player when not working, a writer when off the piano, a photographer when not writing, an avid reader at leisure time and a seasoned speaker anytime.
He is a contributor on Musings of An Analytical Mind. He tweets from @thisdayo