It is universal knowledge that Holy writ forbids sex before marriage, making the sex question something of a major conundrum for the devout. While you have hormones firing on all cylinders, and the sexual impulse driving you hard on one hand, on the other hand, you find the finger of God waving from side to side, and His head gently shaking in an affirmative “NO”.
The majority disregard the instruction against premarital sex, fully gratifying their sexual impulses and appetites – and that before matrimony. For some, it happens as a transient mistake; for some others it is played out as multiple premeditated events for a season; and for yet some others, it becomes a habit they perpetuate themselves in for the entire breadth of their premarital lives. But can we say they are not still children of Zion?
In pondering the sex question, I have come to a few conclusions which I consider plausible to common sense.
If God hasn’t been misrepresented by the writers of Scripture, then it means that in His perfect plan, the sex arrangement is “one man to one woman for a lifetime”, (barring, of course, the demise of a spouse). If an individual remains in this perfect plan, it means their sexual experience would be with ONLY ONE individual for a lifetime. In Biblical parlance, they would have “known” no other. In such an arrangement you would have no room nor basis for comparing sexual experiences with various partners.
I believe that sex is extremely pleasurable, because if it were not, I don’t believe there would be as much noise about it as there has always been, nor as much art woven around it as there presently is. I also believe that individuals vary in their prowess at the sexual act, meaning that sex with one particular person may be more pleasurable than sex with another: you may have heard it said of an individual that “they are good in bed”. There is therefore a basis for comparison when an individual experiences more than one sexual partner in their lifetime; the question then arises as to who is better, or indeed, who is the best, sexually. In a situation where an individual ends up marrying someone who isn’t as pleasurable sexually as one or more former lovers, there then arises a major complication. Do they live in matrimony with the perpetual torment of knowing that there is better sex out there, and perpetually missing it? Or do they venture outside of matrimony to experience the better sex which is out there? Big reason to worry! But were the spouse the only sexual partner an individual has ever known, then it is the only sex they have ever known – the best sex they have and will ever experience – and there would be nothing out there to miss or long for in a festering torment. I believe also that a couple is supposed to grow together sexually, gaining greater competence in the sexual act as they go along their matrimonial journey and as they continually explore the sexual dimension of their union.
Further pondering the sex question, another issue crops up. Where does this sex conundrum leave the chaste? While it is only natural for the chaste to desire the chaste, will every chaste person find a chaste partner? In fairytales, perhaps, but probably not in reality. And in the human nature, every celibate would say: “if I have kept myself, I deserve a partner who has done likewise”, and honestly, it’s true talk. We then ask: what if a sexual beginner cannot measure up to their spouse’s past sexual experiences? Needless to say, such an eventuality would only produce two dissatisfied partners. The first dissatisfied with the spouse’s COMPARATIVE “sub competence” in the sexual act, and the other dissatisfied with the inability to satisfy the sexually experienced spouse.
Are there any solutions or palliations in view? I really don’t know, but I have this pragmatic point of view on the issue.
The chaste must prepare their minds for the possibility of marrying a spouse with a sexual history, and must be prepared to forgive the iniquity. Those with a sexual history must be prepared for a sexually inexperienced spouse, and must make up their minds to be patient for such a spouse to grow gradually in sexual skill.
With all said, it is still up to the individual what sexual career they navigate, but I’m strongly convinced that the divine prescription offers the path of least complication – which is “ONE MAN TO ONE WOMAN FOR A LIFETIME”
I am a Medical Doctor, Brand Strategist and the Author of Musings of an Analytical Mind. I love to challenge conventional thinking and am a firm believer in the coexistence of aesthetics and quality. Follow me @ifeodedere on Twitter.