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0“You weren’t like this when we married…”, “I did not know that I was getting married to an insensitive beast”… These are some of the statements some of us have been priviledged (or unfortunate) to hear in our short time on earth. More often than not, these statements are a prelude to turbulence in marriage and sometimes divorce. While the accusations may be valid, I usually wonder why the accusing party never saw all these ‘flaws’ before marriage.
Most of the time, when people say they are in love, all they can see about their lover is the affectionate side, the loving side, the caring side, the romantic side…in short the good side. To the religious mind, this is good and probably a sign of compactibility after all love is supposed to see the good in everything!
My question is ‘What about the not so good side of this person?’ Like it or not, every person has a mix of good and imperfect sides, there is always at least one flaw in an otherwise charming personality. Failure to acknowledge this is nothing but wishful thinking.
So why do couples-to-be behave like only the good side exists? One would expect that the purpose of courtship (assuming there was one in the first place) is to get to know each other well and and this includes both strenghts and weaknesses.
Anyway this is what I think: The basis of a lasting relationship (and probably marriage) lies in the fact that you appreciate not only the positive qualities of your spouse but also the negative qualities.
Not only appreciating these flaws but deciding to love her/him in-spite of the flaws is what really counts.
Then, you will know who you are married to and will not be thrown off balance when his/her flaws manifest (which is bound to happen anyway).
I stand to be corrected.
P.S.- I don’t mean that we should become fault-finders. I’m only saying that ACCEPTANCE of the imperfect side of your spouse will go a long way in establishing a lasting relationship
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Most of the time, when people say they are in love, all they can see about their lover is the affectionate side, the loving side, the caring side, the romantic side…in short the good side. To the religious mind, this is good and probably a sign of compactibility after all love is supposed to see the good in everything!
My question is ‘What about the not so good side of this person?’ Like it or not, every person has a mix of good and imperfect sides, there is always at least one flaw in an otherwise charming personality. Failure to acknowledge this is nothing but wishful thinking.
So why do couples-to-be behave like only the good side exists? One would expect that the purpose of courtship (assuming there was one in the first place) is to get to know each other well and and this includes both strenghts and weaknesses.
Anyway this is what I think: The basis of a lasting relationship (and probably marriage) lies in the fact that you appreciate not only the positive qualities of your spouse but also the negative qualities.
Not only appreciating these flaws but deciding to love her/him in-spite of the flaws is what really counts.
Then, you will know who you are married to and will not be thrown off balance when his/her flaws manifest (which is bound to happen anyway).
I stand to be corrected.
P.S.- I don’t mean that we should become fault-finders. I’m only saying that ACCEPTANCE of the imperfect side of your spouse will go a long way in establishing a lasting relationship
Ifeoluwapo Odedere
©2012
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Anonymous
March 2, 2013 — 8:09 pm
Errr…didn’t know this was a relationship blog…*lol*’twas a succinct piece tho.Nice one, Sir.